


Home

by Semi_problematic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort Sex, Coming Untouched, Crushes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, Possession, Rimming, Shower Sex, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vessel Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 22:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17876216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: "If you keep looking at yourself you'll go crazy."Dean already felt like he was. He nodded, still gripping the sink. It kept him grounded. The muscle ache reminded him that Michael was gone. "I could say the same for you. You always stare at me.""That's different." Sam's voice was soft. Only then was when Dean noticed Sam hovering behind him, his reflection in the mirror with Dean's. Sam looked normal. Dean didn't. Would Sam notice? "I did the same thing after-"Dean nodded silently. "I know.""You aren't him."But Michael had been Dean. How different were they?





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Sam being with Ruby and Jess is mentioned but its like one sentence so I didn't tag it. I didnt want fans of the ship clicking on something that doesn't really mention what they were here for.

Dean stuided himself in the mirror, watching his reflection like there was something to hide. His fingers were curled around the sides of the sink, his nails digging into the already chipping paint. If Dean watched close enough, he could almost see Michael beneath his skin. Dean was positive that there was something there, a glow, or a hint of blue hiding beneath his freckles. Or maybe he was going crazy. 

His eyes stayed locked on his reflection, his hands aching to reach out and touch it, to punch it, to break it. Dean did not look away when there was a knock on his door. He didn't look when the door crept open. Or when he could feel someone elses eyes on him. Dean gazed at himself, chewing his inner cheek. There was a difference. A small one. But a I just difference. His face seemed out of place. Slight differences. Imperfections turning into perfections. Scars disappearing. Less freckles. 

"If you keep looking at yourself you'll go crazy." 

Dean already felt like he was. He nodded, still gripping the sink. It kept him grounded. The muscle ache reminded him that Michael was gone. "I could say the same for you. You always stare at me." 

"That's different." Sam's voice was soft. Only then was when Dean noticed Sam hovering behind him, his reflection in the mirror with Dean's. Sam looked normal. Dean didn't. Would Sam notice? "I did the same thing after-" 

Dean nodded silently. "I know." 

"You aren't him." 

But Michael had been Dean. How different were they? 

Sam muttered. "So don't lose your mind over this. Really... you'll go insane."

"I'm pretty sure I went crazy a long time ago." Dean loosened his grip, watching his knuckles go from white to pink. He opened his hands then balled them up then opened them again. "You need something?"

"Yeah." Sam replied, his dimples showing as he smiled shyly. "You came back hours ago-" 

"Look, if you want to fuck we can. Just gotta ask-" Sex sounded nice. Being close to Sam. Feeling safe. Dean would never admit it but Sam made him feel safe. Sex would be a distraction. 

Sam rolled his eyes. "Not everything is about sex. I mean... we haven't kissed." Sam mumbled, stepping closer to Dean. Strands of hair fell across his face and grazed across his forehead. Sam was hiding from him. "Didn't kiss before-" 

"I'm glad." Dean didn't want Michael near Sam. "I... just..." Dean swallowed. He didn't get choked up. That wasn't his thing. "There's a lot of people around now-" He smirked. "Chief." 

"God..." Sam tilted his head back, grinning. "Don't start that. I've been trying to get them to quit."

"Well..." Dean closed the gap between them, his hands sliding across Sam's chest. He breathed in Sam's scent. He stared at Sam's face. Dean forced himself to take in every bit of Sam he could and tuck it away deep in his mind. "It's kinda hot." 

Sam made a face, shaking his head. "Gross." His hands hovered above Dean's waist. Sam was afraid to touch him. "It's not hot. It's weird. I'm not any better than them-"

"Wrong."

"You're biased." Sam replied, kissing Dean softly. He hummed as he pulled away, his eyes blinking open. "Missed that." 

Dean licked his lips. Sam. His favorite taste. "We got a few kisses to catch up."

Sam nodded, tilting Dean's head up and kissing him again. He breathed out, his hands touching Dean. Finally. Dean pulled away and kissed his cheek then his jaw. Sam captured him into another kiss, nipping at his lips. Dean's eyes stayed closed, his body pressed to Sam's. 

"Mm..." Sam slipped his hands beneath the hem of Dean's shirt, touching him gently.

Dean smiled against his skin. His mind repeated one word. Sam. "Too many clothes." He muttered, kissing Sam again before he could reply.

"You need a shower-"

"Bitch." Dean breathed out. He did. Archangels weren't the type to shower once a day. "I cleaned off in that motel-" 

"With the sink!" Sam kissed him. "Go." 

"You think kissing me will shut me up?" 

Sam scoffed. "No. I'm never that lucky. Am I?" 

Dean gripped the collar of Sam's shirt and pulled him into a kiss. "Never." 

"Are you still not ready to talk?"

Dean's shoulders tensed and he fought the urge to yell at Sam to shut up. He wasn't okay. Talking about that wouldn't change anything. "Have you met me?" Dean stepped into the bathroom, flicking the light open. "I'll be ready to talk when I die." 

"Liar." Sam mumbled, following Dean into the bathroom. Dean would never be ready to talk. He squeezed into the small gap behind him, closing the door. Sam made Dean look small, his long limbs and wide shoulders stood out. "You can always talk to me."

"I know." Dean rolled his eyes, undoing his pants. "But I won't. And you know that. So can we stop checking on me. I'm fine." He wasn't but Sam knew better than to pester him about feelings.

"You always bounce back." Sam argued, looking at Dean through the mirror. Did Sam notice the changes? "You need to talk." 

"I know what I need, Sam. And it isn't for you to tell me what you think I need to do." Dean looked back at Sam. "I'm gonna shower. You coming or not?" Dean didn't want a fight, not when they were this close to being okay again. 

Sam took a deep breath, taking Dean's hands in his own. "I just... want to make sure that you know I'm here." 

"I know." Dean stripped off the rest of his clothes. "Bouncing back isn't a bad thing. It means I'm good." Fine. It meant Dean was fine. The only time Dean was good was when he was in Sam's arms.

"I just don't..." Sam swallowed, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I don't want a day to happen where you don't bounce back and... it be too late." 

Dean shook his head. "This world ain't gonna beat me." It already did. One thing kept him going. Sam. "I'm a stubborn son of a bitch." 

Sam chuckled. "I've noticed." 

"I don't want to fight... so can we please talk like normal." And not about the angel that had killed humans and monsters alike. Dean turned on the shower and stepped underneath the stream of water. "You coming?" 

"You want me to?" Sam asked, tilting his eyes to the side. 

"Mhm." Dean stepped to the side, giving Sam some room. "Besides, it gives me a chance to get you to shave that thing off your face." 

Sam shot him a playful glare, rubbing his knuckles against the hair. "People like it."

"Yeah, too much." Dean stood beneath the water, sighing as the warmth relaxed his muscles. "I see the way they look at you." 

Sam scoffed, ignoring the comment. "I think it's nice." Sam tugged his shirt over his head. For a while, Dean thought he would never see Sam like this again. He shoved his pants and boxers down. "But if you hate it-" 

Dean cupped Sam's cheek as he climbed into the shower. "I don't... just miss your dimples." He stood up on his toes and kissed Sam. He yanked the curtain closed, pressing Sam against the tile. 

Sam shivered against him. "Miss you." 

Dean smiled. Sap. He kissed him again, guiding Sam's hands to his waist. "You can touch me. You won't break me." Everything else already had. Sam was the glue that could put him back together. 

Sam nodded, ducking his head down and placing a kiss on Dean's neck. He held Dean tight against his body, trailing kisses along his neck and collar. 

"Tickles..." Dean breathed out, nudging at his head. His chest vibrated with a soft laugh, tilting Sam's head down and kissing him. 

Sam smiled at him, the wrinkles by his eyes standing out. Steam danced around them, the water slamming against the ground heavily. "I missed you." 

Dean missed him. "Nothing is gonna stop me-" From coming home to you. "From beating that asshole." Nothing was going to keep Sam from Dean. Not even the angel that was tucked deep in his mind.

"Me too." Sam whispered. Dean could barely hear him. "You want me to stop kissing you?" 

Dean shook his head, tilting his head to the side and guiding Sam's head towards his neck. "Keep going." 

"Mm..." Sam placed a kiss at the nape of his neck. Sam kissed down his arm, frowning. 

Dean opened his eyes as soon as Sam pulled away. "What?" He asked. "Is something wrong with me-" Dean tried not to sound panicked but he failed. 

"There used to be a scar there." Sam muttered. "I used to kiss it-" 

Sam did notice the change. The scars that told Dean's story were disappearing. So was Dean. How much of him was really left after Michael? Did Michael leave any of him in Dean? Or was Michael still there? Too many questions rushed through Dean's mind. Michael had left once, he could again. But Dean didn't feel normal again. He was going to go insane. 

Sam turned Dean around, studying his back. "No scars..." He muttered. He slid his hands across his back, shaking his head. "He healed scars?" 

"Imperfections." Dean replied, pressing his forehead to the wall. "A lot are missing. Not all of them but... enough." 

Sam kissed the back of Dean's neck. "I liked them." 

Dean didn't. 

"Guess I gotta pick out new places to kiss." Sam kissed across his back, rubbing his hips with his thumbs. Sam's chest was pressed against Dean's back, the water washing over them. "Any ideas?" 

Dean took in a sharp breath and dug his nails into the slick tile. "A few." 

Sam chuckled, kissing his shoulder then the top of his back. Slowly, Sam kissed a trail down Dean's back, his knees resting against the floor. He kissed the backs of Dean's thighs, nipping at some of the skin. "This okay?" 

Dean nodded. He needed a distraction. To feel good. To relax. He reached back and tangled his hand in Sam's hair, pulling Sam's closer. "C'mon-" 

"Are you sure?" San rested his hands on Dean's hips, rubbing his thumbs in circles over his hip bones.

"Sam-" Dean all but shouted. He pushed his ass out. "Come on."

"Gotta be safe..." Sam kissed Dean's lower back, smiling against his skin. "Never wanna hurt you-"

"You won't-" 

Sam kissed the backs of Dean's thighs once more, nudging his legs apart with his hands. He leaned down and placed a kiss over Dean's hole, humming. Dean threaded his fingers through Sam's hair and pulled him closer. Sam chuckled behind him, sliding his thumb across Dean's hole.

"Been a while." Sam muttered. "Too long. Can't even see the marks I left on you." 

Dean nodded. He definitely had an issue with that. "Then fix it, big guy." He grabbed for Sam again, huffing when Sam moved away from his hand.

"Easy..." Sam mumbled. "We got a while." He leaned down and licked around Dean's hole, dipping his tongue inside. "Good thing the shower will block out your moans."

Dean nodded again, pushing his ass out. 

Sam held his legs in place, licking at his hole before sucking on it and moaning. Sam adored going down on Dean, and the hard cock bobbing between his legs was only proof of it. A finger rubbed against his hole as Sam mouthed around it, smirking at every noise Dean would make. "Easy." 

"Bite me." 

Sam chuckled, ducking down and biting the back of Dean's thigh before licking over it. "Gonna do that a lot more later. But now is about making you feel good." He pressed a kiss to Dean's hole, pulling Dean back against him. 

Dean's ass hovered over him, Sam's hands cupping his ass and holding him in place. The water rushed down against him but all he could think about was Sam's tongue darting out from between his legs and licking at him. Dean gasped and arched his back, his hands planted firmly on the slick shower wall. 

"Mm..." Dean tilted his head back, grabbing at the wall the best he could. He tried to grind down on Sam, but Sam held him in place. His cock throbbed, rubbing against his stomach each time he shuddered. 

One of Sam's hands slipped between Dean's legs and curled around his cock. Sam jerked him off as he licked him open, chuckling whenever a loud moan woule escape Dean's lips. Dean's toes curled into the floor of the shower, his legs shaking.

"You're easy today..." Sam whispered, nipping around his hole. 

"Been a while..." Dean replied. He reached back and grabbed Sam by the hair, pulling him closer. "Now keep going..." He ground down against him, his hips switching between pushing down on Sam's mouth and fucking his hand. It all felt too good. "Ah... that's it..." He ran his fingers through Sams hair. "Good boy." 

Sam hummed in reply, tracing his thumb around the leaking head of Dean's cock. He ate Dean out quickly, his jaw already aching from the movements, but he didn't care. Dean was shaking for him. His cock was hard for him. He needed to make Dean come. "Dean..." He moaned against him. 

Between Sam's legs was his own cock, hard and throbbing at each of Dean's moans. He didn't move to touch it, though. He rarely did when he went down on Dean. Sam would always come whenever he got Dean off. And most of the time it was untouched. The same went for Jess and Ruby. Getting them off got him off. It was perfect. Sam's hips bucked as Dean pulled him closer and fucked back against his mouth, his entire body shaking. 

Dean pressed his arms to the wall, fucking into Sam's hand. "God..." He grunted out, pushing back on his tongue. "Right there." 

Sam did as Dean told, running his tongue over the spot that drove Dean insane. Sam loved when Dean was like this. Submissive but bossy. Dean never gave up control until they started sleeping together. Once they got closer Dean would let Sam take control and love every minute of it. Making Dean feel this way was his favorite. 

"Fuck!" Dean's body shuddered as he neared his orgasm, his feet struggling to gain the footing he needed to continue to fuck Sam's hand. "Ah, that's it. Right there." Dean dug his nails into the wall. "Sam... fuck..." Dean thrust into Sam's hand once more before he came, white strings of come shooting all over Sam's hand and against the shower wall. 

Sam continued to lick at Dean's hole while he came, placing kisses and small licks at the rim before dipping his tongue inside. Dean relaxed over him, his legs shaking as he began to pull away. Between Sam's legs was a half washed away pool of come. 

"Let me..." Dean whispered, turning around. "Not gonna leave you hanging."

Sam kissed Dean, smiling against his lips. "You aren't." He whispered. He looked down between them, his face going pink.

"Easy." 

Sam glared at him. "Am not." He argued. "Your moans get to me." He placed a kiss beneath Dean's ear. 

Dean smirked to himself, sliding his hands down Sam's chest. "Mhm. Doesn't mean you aren't easy." 

"Just love you." Sam captured Dean in another kiss. "Makes it all feel a lot better-"

Dean smiled for a moment before scoffing and grabbing the soap. "You're so sappy it makes me sick."

"Shut up." Sam pressed his body to Dean's. "I didn't hear you complaining five minutes ago." 

Now it was Dean's turn to go pink. He didn't reply as he slathered soap onto his body and began scrubbing. Slowly, their reality crept back into his mind. He was possessed. Dirty. He had people's blood on his hands. His face was all over. Dean Winchester was no longer a good man. He was never the best, but he wasn't a killer. Michael changed that.

Dean scrubbed at his skin, his eyes glued to the wall. Allowing himself to think about this was dangerous. Sometimes flashbacks would happen. Blood pooling around him. Victims tears staining his hands. Snapping necks. The thoughts made Dean feel sick because they were not thoughts or nightmares. They were sins committed with his own two hands.

"Dean-" Sam's hands curled around his wrists. "Hey? You hear me?" 

Dean blinked a few times, turning and looking at his brother. "What?"

"You're making yourself bleed." Sam guided him beneath the water. "What-" He stopped himself, swallowing. Dean wouldn't tell him. It was better not to pry or argue. "How about you help me shave this god awful beard off?" 

Dean looked at his arms. Bloody and red. Sore. How long had he been scrubbing at the skin? Was he trying to get something out? Dean pushed the thoughts away and smiled, nodding. "Yeah, you tore up the backs of my thighs."

Sam scoffed, grabbing a razor and some shaving cream he had set on the counter. "You're an idiot."

"Your beard tore me up."

"Couldn't have been too bad." Sam smirked. "You were grinding on it-"

"Beside the point." Dean jerked the shower curtain closed and took the razor and shaving cream. He popped the cap off and put a generous amount on his hand. "Gotta stop doing this. Can't quit shaving every time something goes wrong." 

Sam shook his head. "He keeps... coming back, Dean. Once he left. Then he came back. Then we got him out after he was locked in your head-" That wasn't a guarantee. Michael could just be a good actor. "Gotta focus on the bigger picture." 

Dean rubbed the shaving cream onto Sam's face, looking anywhere but him. "Just focus on yourself more. I can take care of myself."

"You always protect me." Sam tilted Dean's head up with his fingers. "I want to protect you, too."

"That isn't how this works." Dean began to shave his face, being careful not to cut Sam. His free hand held Sam's face in place. 

"Why?" Sam questioned. He always did that. No matter how old he got. "Because I am your younger brother-"

"Because you are good, Sam." Because you have things to lose. "Because I can take care of me but I know you are too caring and forgiving to be like me." Dean drug the razor down his face again. "You want scruff or a clean shave?"

"Whichever you like." Sam mumbled. He didn't bother arguing. "Just want you to be okay, Dean. You're my big brother..." Sam took a deep breath. "Love you." 

Dean smiled some, nodding. "I know."

"And now that we are together... that we have been together, it's like I'm not just losing a brother and a best friend, I'm losing a-"

"Sam." Dean cut him off. "I get it. Alright? You don't gotta say this stuff because I get it. Now can we please just pretend the world isn't ending for a second."

Sam opened his mouth to reply but instead of speaking he simply closed it and nodded. "The new hunters seem to like you. But you just hide out."

"They are strangers in my house." Dean chewed on his lip as he continued to shave Sam's face, leaving enough scruff to keep him from looking baby faced. 

"They admire you." Sam replied. "Maybe they can start calling you "chief" instead."

"I'll kill 'em." Dean muttered. "Besides, half of them wanna get in your pants."

"Do not."

"You're blind."

"No, Dean." Sam chuckled. "You're wrong." 

"Trust me-" Dean finished the last patch of hair, turning Sam's head. "Close your eyes and mouth." 

Sam pulled away from the stream of water, smiling down at Dean. "You're the only guy I want."

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed the shampoo, squirting some into his hands before rubbing it in and passing the bottle off to Sam. They stood under the water together to rinse it, bodies pressed together. Dean's head was tucked below Sam's chin, their arms wrapped tight around their torsos. The mix of water and soap washed over their bodies as they stood beneath the shower head, content.

"Where is the conditioner?"

"We're out." Sam replied, shutting off the water. "Charlie is out picking stuff up with Nathan."

Dean scoffed. "Not our Charlie."

"She is our Charlie now." Sam climbed out and grabbed a towel, drying his hair before wrapping it around his waist. "You won't bond with them with that attitude." 

"You sound like a therapist." 

"Well..." Sam handed Dean a towel. "That isn't the worst thing to sound like." 

"It is." Dean began to dry himself off, looking around the small bathroom. "Trust me." 

"You should eat dinner with us." Sam drug his hand across the steam covered mirror, looking at Dean in the mirror then himself. "I mean it."

"May-"

A knock on the bathroom door cut Dean off. "Um... Sam? Are you in there?"

Dean smirked, debating on fake moaning for a second. 

"Yeah, what's up?" 

"Someone hasn't replied to our calls so we were wondering if you could track them down."

"Yeah." Sam smiled at the door then pulled Dean into a kiss. He took Dean's towel and lowered it in front of his crotch before pulling the door open. "Just let me get some clothes on and I can do that for you."

The boy in front of them had curly blonde hair and green eyes. He was shorter than the two of them, his hands trucked shyly in his pockets. "Thank you." The boy's eyes followed Sam across the room, his tongue darting out and licking his lips. "You are always so helpful."

"Oh, stop." Sam pulled Dean's dresser drawer open, digging around in it. He pulled out a pair of boxers then snatched a shirt off of a hanger. "We are a family. This is what families do." He reached down to undo his towel, but Dean stepped behind him and grabbed it.

"He'll be out in a second!" Dean called, pressing close to Sam's back. Once the boy was gone, Dean sighed. "You really don't think they are into you? That kid just creamed himself when he saw you." 

"That's just Eric. He's sweet-"

"He wants to date you." Dean replied, tossing Sam a pair of sweatpants. "Asshole-"

"Well, I want to date you." Sam leaned down and kissed his head. "And I'm gonna make that clear." He kissed his cheek then his lips. 

Dean pulled Sam closer, kissing him harder than before. "You better." Dean turned away before he could see Sam's smirk. He could feel Sam's eyes on him as he got dressed, though. "Stop staring." 

"What?" Sam chuckled. "You're beautiful."

"And you have work to do." Dean peeked over his shoulder. "Go." 

As Sam wondered out of the room, Dean watched him. He studied the way his back filled out Dean's too tight t-shirt and the way the sweatpants hung off his hips. He nodded to himself and smiled. Those hunters really did want Sam, but he couldn't blame them.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not dead!!! I just took a break from writing because I was writing for everyone but me. But I'm back!!!


End file.
